Hanging on

coil of paper rope

When one finds oneself at the end of the rope, one might well ask, “well, how did I get here?” And “is it better to let go? or to hang on?” And “what is this rope, anyways??”

Signs that the end of the rope has been reached:

  • not posting on blog in more than a month
  • lack of enthusiasm for going to the studio on days off from job
  • can’t remember the last time I felt satisfied with a sales event
  • perception that the more I create things which are satisfying to me, the more sales drop
  • feeling an increasing aversion as show application deadlines move closer and closer
  • just can’t seem to buckle down and take photos for an etsy shop
  • feeling dread at the thought of preparing for holiday sales

Am I about to let go of creative work altogether, or am I about to create the work that I’ve been waiting (preparing?) for years to produce? Have I been making only what sells, or have I been making only what I like? Did I have unrealistic expectations? Did I have a bad plan? Did I have a plan?? How do I get a plan??? How do I get myself some more TIME???

I want things to be different. But what to pursue and how to proceed are not at all clear, a difficult place to be in for someone who thinks of herself as a dedicated problem-solver. I don’t want to whine and complain, I just want to identify the problem and take steps to solve it. So there may be a bit more brain wrangling here for a while and a lot fewer pretty pictures of works in progress. If you’re interested in the struggle to carve out a creative life, welcome aboard. If you just really need the pretty pictures, check out my fodder in the meantime (it has it’s own RSS feed and everything) and wish me luck…. Please stay tuned.

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5 Comments

  1. i soo know that feeling of holiday dread; lack of enthusiasm. i love making what i love and that seems to get lost when i make things i feel like i should make, things that will sell. but, (here’s my great advice) if i mix in making things i love with making things that sell, i usually regain some enthusiam for my projects.

    i love all your work! i hope you ‘feel it’ again soon!

    and i love david byrne.

    Reply
  2. wow, your issues sound exactly like mine(!!): was depressed after a fabulous vacation to italy, could not knit or really blog (except to post italy pics), did not want to knit or blog, questioned whether i really wanted to knit enough to support the website my partner and i were planning, so instead have thoughts of an etsy shop—undecided about the possibility of an etsy shop (the dread of photographing all the items, and keeping up w/ the knitting–the thought of being a “knitting machine” is not a good one), when i finally did feel like knitting again, i only want(ed) to make things for myself…

    i think if us creative people didn’t have to work full time to support our creativity, we’d be happier!! do you agree? (wow, thanks for the venting!) & sorry for the run-on sentence/thoughts!
    t

    Reply
  3. ps–keep hanging on!

    Reply
  4. I’ll stayed tuned for as long as it takes. I understand so much of what you’re grappling with, and I wish you the best as you work your way through it.

    Reply
  5. Thanks so much everybody! I don’t have a lot of readers, but it’s really nice to know that a few people whose work I admire are out there sympathizing. It helps!

    Reply

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