Letting go (just a bit…)

I have been putting off a confession:

I have no holiday sales planned this year.

That is a scary sentence. I’m a creative person, working in a form (jewelry) that’s pretty marketable, pretty gift-able. I have a history of being able to bring in some income from my work. The holidays are the most profitable shopping season of the entire year. How could I not do anything? Well, a few months ago, “you have to” had a big ol’ battle with the “I don’t want to” in my head. And this year “I don’t want to” had more back-up than usual.

Even back in August, my schedule didn’t have a lot of free time. I didn’t have the money to get materials, send out postcards, and buy the refreshments that I like to have to be a good hostess. The profitability of my efforts for the last year or two has not been good. Too often I’ve slaved away, cranking production stuff out, and in the end, just broke even on my expenses. That meant I wasn’t getting paid for my time. So was that how I wanted to spend it?

Production work has been really uninspiring for me lately. Precious time spent making things I’ve already made many times before, guessing what will sell. Too often I felt like I guessed wrong. I’ve become frustrated with setting aside my latest, newly inspired work just because there isn’t time to bring it to fruition before a deadline. I’m tired of pulling some exciting work together, just in time, only to see that the marketplace is completely uninterested. I’m tired of being disappointed in myself because I put something out there that wasn’t fully realized. Mostly, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the idea of buckling down and becoming a slave to the time schedule that I knew would be required. “I don’t want to” just dug in it’s heels, teamed up with the more contrarian aspects of my nature, had a little hissy fit, and “you have to” got smacked down. And I so just let go….

What now?

There are so many possibilities when one reaches the end of the rope. One might let inertia take over, letting oneself be flung off, letting go. One might hang on, feeling the crack of the whip, suffering dislocations, pain, injury. Or perhaps one might look for a little slack, a bit of ease in the tension, perhaps changing direction without letting go.

I don’t want to let go of creating things altogether. I don’t want this to be the bad end of something. I want this to be the beginning of something better. So what to do?

Look for some slack.

Firstly, there are some things which impact my ability to create which are not in my control i.e., work schedules and household finances. I cannot cut back on my hours at the job right now. So, at least for the moment, I need to stop thinking of the problem as being mainly one of time. I’m just not going to squeeze any more time out of my week. But what can I do? I can:

• nurture my creativity
• work on my stress/energy levels
• think about schedules/time in a new, different way
• organize space and materials to organize thoughts (see above for the “before”)
• seek out new perspectives/resources/help

So that’s the current plan. And heaven knows, I likes me a good plan, Stan….